Are you tired of tossing and turning, unable to find a peaceful night’s sleep? The pursuit of better sleep is something many of us can relate to. Struggling with insomnia or sleep deprivation can be a daunting experience, and it is essential to understand that you are not alone in this journey. 

In this blog post, we will explore a conversation that Dr. Yishan Xu had with Dr. Chris Winter, a renowned sleep expert and the author of “The Sleep Solution.” Together, they delve into the intricacies of sleep, addressing the challenge of insomnia and sharing valuable strategies for enhancing your sleep quality.

How to Help Individuals Sleep Better?

According to Dr. Winter, to help his patients sleep better, he often starts by addressing two key facts about sleep:

1. Even if you decide not to sleep, you probably cannot do it.

It is NOT true that we are trying to get somebody who cannot sleep to sleep. In reality, humans cannot function for days without any sleep and still be alive. We need to differentiate between being hyper-aroused, having trouble settling down, or waking up more than we would like, versus being unable to sleep. You may not be in danger of not sleeping; you might just not be sleeping well.

2. Getting eight or nine hours of sleep is important, but it is just an average.

It is normal for you to sleep more or less than this average number, just like people can have different heights: some are taller, and some are shorter. Not everyone needs 8-9 hours of sleep to function normally. There are someone who may be only able to sleep for 5-6 hours per night, and that is all that their body need. Thus, remind yourself that it is okay not to be great at sleeping!

What is Insomnia?

Although many of us might think we have a good understanding of what insomnia is, Dr. Winter provides an analogy that explains this concept from a different and perhaps somewhat unexpected perspective.

Imagine having dinner at a restaurant. If you start your meal, get halfway through your spaghetti, but don't want to eat the rest, is that a problem? Not if you're not hungry.

Similarly, waking up in the middle of the night and not being able to go back to sleep might not be a terrible problem; you might just not be sleepy, and that's okay. Sometimes, recontextualizing the problem of insomnia into something that may not be as troublesome as you think can be very helpful.

1) Adjusting Your Mindset.

Over time, insomnia can become a way in which a patient defines themselves. To deal with insomnia, you have to separate this definition from your identity, acknowledging that you are more than just an inability to sleep. Insomnia might not be exactly what you think it is; it is not that you don't have a problem, but rather the problem might be a little different from what you think.

We understand that with a problem like insomnia, it might feel like a huge block in your way that cannot go anywhere until it gets moved. However, this is not actually true. Our anxiety toward sleep is exactly what we need to work on so we can fall asleep faster and sleep better.

2) Distinguish Insomnia vs. Sleep Deprivation.

Oftentimes, we assume that if you have insomnia, then you are sleep-deprived. We treat these two terms as synonyms. The media often fails to differentiate between the two as well, and we end up getting confused and anxious. However, this is NOT the case.

If you are facing insomnia, you may perceive yourself as sleep-deprived, but in reality, you may get more sleep than you think you have had, or at least, the amount of sleep you get can help your brain and body to function well enough. We call this “sleep misperceptions“. Insomnia does not always accompany a lack of sleep, rather, it means even if you have enough sleep opportunities, you still cannot fall asleep easily; it is a complex condition with both mental and emotional aspects. Sleep deprivation, on the other hand, often happens when you do not allow enough time for yourself to sleep. But once you give yourself opportunities to sleep, you will fall asleep without any problem! Can you see the difference now?

3) Apply Evidence-Based Treatment For Insomnia.

“The only pathway to insomnia treatment is cognitive-behavioral therapy.” – Dr. Winter.

There are specific instances where medications can be helpful temporarily, or with travel and other factors. However, there is only one meaningful treatment for insomnia with long-term effects, which is Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy for Insomnia (CBT-I), which is an evidence-based first-line treatment in many countries right now. Dr. Yishan has a 4-week long CBT-I course, if you need it, check it out.

In addition to post-insomnia treatment, it is more helpful to prevent insomnia than to treat it when it is happening, introducing us to the concept of prevention. 

Just as vaccines help immunize individuals against diseases, preventing insomnia should be our goal. In other words, it is better to immunize patients against insomnia before it starts or when it is just in its infancy, rather than treating the condition once it is already developed. Yet the most common situation is that barely anyone really goes to see a provider when insomnia is just getting started. We wait until it turns terrible, after trying different sleeping pills. Thus, we need to understand that prevention beforehand is as important as the treatment afterward. That is also why Dr. Yishan spends so much time engaging in sleep education activities, and you can check out the Deep into Sleep Podcast and the YouTube channel.

Starting from childhood, we can teach young people about how sleep works and how to deal with occasional bad nights of sleep. If you are a parent, this advice is gold. It is a way to empower your children with the knowledge and skills they need to handle sleep issues as they grow up, immunizing them against future sleep troubles.

Dr. Winter shares his personal experience with his own children:

He allowed them the freedom to decide when to turn off their lights and did not present sleeping to them as a task that they had to complete. Yet he, nicely and kindly, woke his children up at a consistent time each morning. Even if they told him that they had a bad night’s sleep, he would not let them go back to sleep but rather tell them that they still need to get up and go to school. His children are now all great sleepers. No matter if they have a good night’s sleep or not, they would not have an anxiety response of lacking sleep.

From this example, we can see that similar to good sleepers, insomnia patients are also built over the years; it is a mindset, a habit, and does not just happen overnight. At the same time, it also means that if we have unhelpful sleep habits and sleep worries, we can learn, relearn, and rebuild a healthier sleep habit that is really helpful to us. It is essential to not only put the basic information about sleep and insomnia out there through instructional and educational books but also help people understand that they have a certain amount of control over it. 

The way you internalize insomnia and interpret it over your life can actually influence your sleep quality and determine if you can become a good sleeper or not.

4) Consider Sleep as a Family Affair.

Your sleep problems can quickly become your family’s sleep problems. 

Well-rested parents can handle issues their children throw at them well. On the other hand, when sleep issues enter the equation, simple challenges can escalate into stressful situations. For example, you see that your children’s room is messy. On regular occasions, you would just remind them to clean it up. However, when you did not have a good night’s sleep, you might uncontrollably yell at them and regret it afterward, not believing that you yelled at them because of such a trivial matter.

This is your chance to reflect. Have your sleep problems caused you to overreact or make decisions you later regretted? Remember that how you handle your sleep issues can impact not only your well-being but also the harmony within your family!

5) Build Hope: You Can Get Better at Sleep.

Sleep is a skill rather than a trait.

That means that you have the potential to improve your sleep, just like how you can enhance any other skill. Even if you believe that you are a “bad sleeper,” you need to know that sleep is not something you are locked into. You can take control and make changes. Think of it as a learning process.

Understanding that you have the ability to improve your sleep is an important step. Dr. Winter draws parallels to a seasoned baseball player who suddenly struggles to hit a curveball. Similar to that player who can practice and improve, you can also hone your sleep skills.

It is not about control; it is about change. Your mindset, beliefs, and habits can all affect your sleep.

Remember, even if you are struggling with sleep issues, there is hope. Recognize the power of self-improvement and understand that you can change how you deal with sleep. Your journey to better sleep starts with you!

This blog article is drafted by Christine Gao, based on Dr. Yishan’s podcast interview and YouTube videos.

This article is brought to you by Mind & Body Garden Psychology —- Psychological services available in multiple languages (English, Mandarin, Cantonese): 650-434-2563 (Voicemail only); admin@mindbodygarden.com. We are out-of-network providers, HSA/FSA accepted. Send us a text message on the phone, or call us and leave a voicemail.

• Dr. Yishan Xu’s CBT-I insomnia courses in Chinese and English.

• Psychological Evaluation Services (Diagnoses of IQ, ADHD, ASD, etc.)

• Dr. Yishan’s Sleep Newsletters, Podcast and YouTube

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