Stanford Parenting Workshop #1 Summary

The Stanford Psychiatry Department is hosting a series of five parental workshops aimed at enhancing understanding of children's mental health. These sessions will help parents learn: how to identify warning signs of mental health, how to better communicate with children, how to handle your own and children's emotions, how to improve parent-child relationships, how to help children enhance mental health, realize potential, etc. Since the lecture is conducted offline, there is no video, here I want to summarize the main content of the first workshop, to help parents who could not attend the site to understand the content:


How Do Children’s Brain Development impact mental health?

  • Brain development continues until 25+ years old: Brain development extends into young adulthood, not fully maturing until around 25 years of age. This ongoing development means that children and adolescents require time, patience, and scientifically informed guidance to achieve maturity and independence. Particularly during this phase, they benefit significantly from parental support, especially in areas like decision-making and managing emotions.

  • The emotional brain develops earlier than the rational brain: Children's emotional brain regions, such as the amygdala, develop earlier than their rational brain regions like the prefrontal cortex. This developmental pattern means that while children may experience rich emotional lives, their capacity to assess consequences rationally is still maturing. As a result, teenagers often display impulsive behavior, sometimes leading to actions that may seem unexpected or extreme.

  • Gender differences affect social skills: Research indicates that boys generally develop social skills at a slower pace than girls. This disparity can lead many parents to notice that although their child is intellectually capable, effective communication remains challenging. This phenomenon underscores the complexity of social skill development and its varying timelines across genders.

  • Adolescents' response to mother's voice weakens: Recent research from Stanford indicates that as children move into adolescence, their responsiveness to their mother's voice significantly diminishes compared to when they were younger. This often leads parents to mistakenly blame themselves for their child's intense reactions. However, this change is also heavily influenced by the adolescent's brain development, which naturally drives them towards seeking independence and greater peer validation.

  • Social standing among peers: Adolescents often place a high value on their social standing among peers, sometimes prioritizing it above their own safety or well-being. This desire to maintain face can lead them to engage in risky behaviors to gain approval. Group encouragement can amplify this effect, pushing them toward actions that may prove their bravery. Conversely, isolation and criticism from peers or adults can significantly unsettle their self-esteem, leading to increased feelings of insecurity.


Adolescent mental health data:

According to nationwide survey data from the U.S. CDC, the mental health status of adolescents is very serious. According to 2021 CDC data, among the high school student population:

  • Experienced persistent feelings of sadness or hopelessness: 42% (35% for Asian American)

  • Seriously considered attempting suicide: 22% (18% for Asian American)

  • Made a suicide plan: 18% (17% for Asian American)

  • Attempted suicide: 10% (6% for Asian American) 


What are the risk factors affecting children's mental health?

  • Academic pressure to excel

  • Feelings of inadequacy

  • Feeling isolated, difficulty finding a sense of belonging

  • Shame or stigma related to mental health issues, including suicidal thoughts

  • Discrimination, prejudice, stereotyping, microaggressions, lead to alienation, low self-esteem, depression

  • Gender expectations (“Boys should be stoic and unemotional”, “Girls must be feminine”)

  • Abuse

    • Physical

    • Emotional

    • Sexual

  • Neglect

    • Physical

    • Emotional

  • Household dysfunction

    • Mental illness

    • Incarcerated relative

    • Mother treated violently

    • Substance abuse

    • Divorce 


What are the protective factors for protecting children's mental health?

While life can sometimes cause children to feel frustrated, lonely, or despairing, there are many proactive measures and resources available to safeguard their mental health. These tools can help in early detection of issues, timely intervention, and prevention of minor problems escalating into serious ones. This approach ensures that children receive the support they need to thrive emotionally and mentally.

  • Strong family support (warmth, communication, emotional support)

  • Connectedness

    • Cultural

    • Spiritual 

    • Community

  • Peer support

  • Access to mental health resources

  • Coping skills for strong emotions

  • Seeking social support

  • Resilience

    • Healthy social relationships

    • Positive view of self

    • The ability to manage strong feelings and impulses

    • Problem-solving skills

    • Communication skills

    • Feeling in control

    • The ability to find positive meaning in life despite traumatic events


How can parents enhance their children's mental health?

Firstly, it's crucial to dispel some myths. For instance, medication and psychotherapy are not mutually exclusive but complementary—much like airbags and seatbelts in a car, as Dr. Hu illustrates. Both can be employed together or separately, depending on the needs at different stages of a child's development. Psychological counseling, backed by numerous scientifically validated approaches, can be particularly effective for conditions like anxiety disorders, often showing quick results. Parents might need to familiarize themselves with the basics of mental health to avoid letting their biases hinder their children’s treatment and recovery.

Additionally, lifestyle adjustments play a critical role. Parents are encouraged to help their children maintain a balanced diet, regular exercise, sufficient sleep, and active social lives, and engage in activities that bring them joy. The field of psychology offers a wealth of enjoyable activities—listed in a 'List of Pleasant Activities'—that can boost children's mood and overall mental health. These can be requested during consultations with a psychologist.

Moreover, there are something parents can pay attention to when you communicate with your children and teens:

  • Strive for an open and non-judgmental dialogue, using open-ended questions that facilitate deeper discussions and emotional connections.

  • If you notice your child struggling due to high pressure,

    • invite them to talk, take a break, plan something enjoyable to do together or encourage them to do a beloved activity

  • Remind your child that they are important and valued. Remind them that you love them regardless of how they perform

  • Compliment them on effort more than on achievement, “growth” rather than “fixed”.  

  • Plan intentional quality time together:

    • Plan ahead how you want to spend the time together. Do not get distracted during the conversation, try to focus fully on your child, listen carefully to what they say, and do not label this process.

  • Model positive sharing of emotions and the challenges in your own life. Challenges and adversity are a normal part of life. Normalize your own and your child’s frustration. Promote healthier ways of addressing those feelings.

  • Avoid Patronizing or punishing language：

    • “You’re being dramatic”

    • “You’re doing it for attention”

    • “You shouldn’t feel that way”

    • “Things aren’t that bad”


Important Crisis Intervention Resources:

NAMI (National Alliance on Mental Health Illness) of Santa Clara County
(408) 453-0400
The NAMI Help Desk is a free peer-support service providing support, information, and resource referrals to people living with mental health conditions, their family members, caregivers, mental health providers and the public. 

Project Safety Net

(650) 460-8302

Mobilizes community support and provides resources for youth suicide prevention and mental wellness.

National Runaway 24/7 Safeline

(800) 786-2929

Offers crisis intervention, information and referrals, message relay to parent/guardians, free trip home, and advocacy.

We will host another 4 workshops with different topics in English (with Chiense translators). Welcome to join us on the Stanford campus.

Address: Li Ka Shing Center, 291 Campus Drive, Palo Alto, CA 94305

Classroom：LK101/102

Free parking in the campus during the weekend, and the nearest free parking lot is：Roth Way Garage, 355 Roth Way, Palo Alto, CA 94304

The content of this blog comes from the notes and PPT of the workshop, polished by ChatGPT.

This article is brought to you by Mind & Body Garden Psychology —- Psychological services available in multiple languages (English, Mandarin, Cantonese): 650-434-2563 (Voicemail only); admin@mindbodygarden.com. We are out-of-network providers, HSA/FSA accepted. Send us a text message on the phone, or call us and leave a voicemail.

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Dr. Yishan XuComment